Potato Chip Tempation

There is an open bag of potato chips staring at me here at the office and I am just saying NO!

It would be so easy to just grab a handful. But NO! Just say no!

I’m thinking about how strong I am. When I first started on my journey last year, it was a battle to refuse muffins here at work. But I did it…so chips will be easy to refuse too!

Time to Do Better

Well, our last summer vacation is over! We had a really great summer, but truthfully, part of me is glad that we’re done with vacations for now. I didn’t revert all the way back to old ways, but with each week on vacation, I got more and more comfortable with eating bad unhealthy foods.

Yes, I worked out every day on vacation, but I feel so icky and unhealthy inside. I feel bloated, gross, and fat. I know I’m not fat, but I don’t feel “right”. I hate that I’ve come this close again to poor choices.

I hate that I feel helpless.

Helpless because I know what’s right, but I can’t stop myself from making the wrong decision. Example. We got ice cream close to every day last week. Not that bad because we were walking almost a mile (up/down hills) to the ice cream stand, and I was only getting kiddie portions. But one day, while out driving, we stopped for ice cream, and I got a kiddie cup and couldn’t stop myself from also ordering a piece of chocolate cake as well. I knew it was wrong, I knew the ice cream was enough of a treat, but my compulsion took over and won the fight. Ugh. It was not a good feeling, and it’s shameful looking back on it now.

And that’s why I am glad vacations are over. I can hopefully get back to healthy eating, and get back to feeling fantastic inside and out. I don’t want to beat myself up too much over this, because that is not a healthy attitude either. I know that an occasional treat can be beneficial and I can’t obsess over it! There has to be a balance between good and evil. But for the most of the month of August, the evil was tipping the scales!

Weighed myself this AM, and thankfully, I’m 147.6 – Saturday when we got home (mid afternoon), I was 149+ so it’s a relief that I haven’t gained as much weight as I feel like I have on the inside.

Today is Monday, new day, new week! I am going to do better! Not going to obsess over my bad choices. Just get over it, and move on.

I have to remember to take each experience as a lesson to learn more about myself! The more I realize about myself, the more powerful I become, and the less power the compulsion will have!

Back from Week Long Vacation – 148 lbs

Came back yesterday from a week long RV/ATV vacation. It was lovely. Lots of nature! Lots of time to just relax and have fun! Taking my mind off everything at home. I didn’t even bring my laptop with me. I did bring the dSLR camera, but I rarely took any photos. My iPhone camera worked for capturing a few memories.

So how did our healthy lifestyle do? We were on vacation, so of course, that means tempting treats. I was bad! Lots of sugary fatty foods like these fabulous “Persian danish roll” things. Honey glazed pastries, with a layer of maple icing, then topped with crumbly sugary crunchies. I had THREE of them during the week. The bakery in town was a quick drive by car or ATV so we gave ourselves a few treats!

This photo doesn’t do it justice! That’s the Persian on the bottom left.

persian danish roll

There was also ice cream sundae (kid’s), fried clams, lobster roll (no mayo), seafood chowder, poutine fries, carrot cake, macaroon cookie, ice cream cookie sandwich, lasagna, 2 slices of pizza, and a fried egg & bacon sandwich.

To make up for some of our indiscretions, we took long walks once, twice or more daily, and actually ATVing works your muscles fairly well. Even on the back of the ATV, I was keeping my balance and holding on!

So, it’s back to reality and back to eating right. I weighed in this AM and I was about 148. Not too bad. I’ve decided not to fight the overwhelming urge to cheat on vacation. I just have to keep in mind that in order to cheat, I need to work out and STOP the cheating when I get home! So far it’s been working out well!

UPDATE August 9, 2010: 147.0 on the scale this AM! yay!

Cheating with Friends

Yesterday was a cheat day. No holds barred, eat all kinds of “bad for me” foods!

I met a few previous co-worker friends and we had such a great time, reminiscing, gossiping and eating fattening foods! I haven’t laughed that hard in such a long time! Don’t giggles and laughs burn off calories? haha. I wish!

But I’m back on track today, and feeling good!

154.4 pounds – Weight Maintenance Mode

Well, I’m officially in “Maintenance” mode. I suppose I’ve been in maintenance for a few days, actually a few weeks, but my body has officially let me know that I am done losing weight, and I am at a healthy weight (154-155lbs) that I can maintain long term.

So, I changed my goals at MyFitnessPal:

Total Daily Calories: 1800 (actual 1870, but I’m leaving a 70 calorie deficit just in case)
Carbs / Day (45%) 203 g
Protein / Day (35%) 158 g
Fat / Day (20%) 40 g

Here’s a screen shot of all Nutritional Goals:

myfitnesspal weight management goals

I’ve been driving myself crazy since last weekend. Just feeling so hungry, especially at night, but feeling like I can’t eat because I don’t have enough calories left. I’d sometimes end up going over my allotted 1700 calories by a few because I needed more food…but now, officially allowing the extra 100 calories should help psychologically I think.

I think the last few days have been the hardest part of these past ten months. Throughout my whole weight loss journey, I rarely was hungry, except for a few scattered PMSing days. I’ve found “eating clean” was very easy for me. And I’ve been enjoying working out as well, but I think my body needs more fuel. I don’t know what changed, if anything, but somehow what I am eating wasn’t enough. So, 1800 calories should be a good starting point. I will have to take it day by day and see if I need to also eat my “exercise calories” as well.

I will continue to monitor my weight every day or two, just to make sure I am not gaining. So far, most days I am 154.4 pounds, and my body seems to be happy with that number.

Weekend Hunger Pains

Driving north for the first RV/camping trip of the season, I’m feeling vulnerable. Feeling like I could fall backward into my old ways of eating eating eating.

I don’t want to gain but there’s a part of me that’s feeling like who cares? Just eat. Reward yourself, you’re on vacation!

My confidence appears to be fading. I am trying to hold on. If I can get through this weekend then I will feel so much better!

UPDATE #1: ate dinner at Wendy’s. Think I’m doing better! I might have just been hungry!

UPDATE #2 MONDAY May 24, 2010: Well I got through the weekend. I don’t know why, but I was hungry most of the time. Could it be that we were more active? We burned a lot of calories biking and walking. I don’t know what came over me. It was like a psychological curtain was lowered, and I was famished. It started with the drive up north and continued through the whole weekend until driving home. Once home, it’s like the curtain went back up, and I was normal.

Thankfully, I didn’t eat anything regretful. Lots of fruits and whole foods.

We ate dinner at a restaurant on Saturday night, and I ordered broiled haddock (no butter), rice, zucchini w/ stewed tomatoes and also a wonderful salad. I dipped my fork in the dressing instead of pouring it on top. It was delicious. My only downfall was that I ate about 4 slices of their homemade whole grain bread, but it was soo good.

I am wondering if I should weigh myself this AM.

Tempation

Had a really big temptation tonight. My DH brought home (at my request) a large chicken parm & bow tie pasta. I ate half for dinner.

Then later before TV time, I had a really strong compulsion to eat a bit more pasta. I had the cover off and everything.

Then I told myself NO don’t do it, have some fruit instead. So I grabbed an apple and orange and was sooo tempted again to just have another pasta bite, but I put the cover back on and put it away.

It feels good to make the right decisions! Well even though I probably shouldn’t have ordered it in the first place, I didn’t want to keep giving into my compulsive behavior.

ETA May 14, 2010: This morning I ate the rest of the chicken parm for breakfast, and a small amount of pasta. Yes, I do feel guilty and quite full. It was a horribly bad thing to eat. I did throw the rest of the pasta out!

As the morning advances, I am feeling more and more guilty. NO, I don’t like feeling guilty, because there is nothing I can do about now. I have to just forget it and do better for the rest of the day. I want to remember this horrible “full” feeling. It’s like yuck, what did I just do to myself!

Get over it and move on!

Compulsive Eating

Hello my name is Debbie and im a compulsive eater.

Yes I am feeling compulsive tonight! I keep thinking about my homemade bread upstairs and I want so badly to make myself a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.

But I am trying like mad to resist! We had lunch at the inlaws for Mother’s Day and I didn’t do too badly but I just don’t think a PB&J would be appropriate.

Gosh I am hungry, but this too shall pass!

Family Party

Went to a family party today. Did okay. Definitely ate some things I shouldn’t have, but it’s all good!

Had one stuffed shells, with approx 4 small meatballs, with some ziti, along with some romaine salad. I am proud to say I didn’t have any fried chicken wings!

I ate two chocolate chip cookies, and a piece of cake. It was a pretty large piece but oh so good!

I didn’t feel stuffed or bloated like I have felt in the past after eating at parties. I had what I wanted and didn’t make a pig out of myself!